Emotional Punching Bag

There are lots of reasons for why another person might treat us badly. People have previously told me that you should really try to understand the situation first before you judge them, such as in the case of bullying, ‘well you don’t really fully understand their situation, they might have had a bad upbringing for all you know.’ Another example is that someone might just be having a bad day or perhaps they’re trying to deal with some form of mental health issue. In other words not all acts of unkindness are done just because they are bad people and sometimes they deserve a second chance to redeem themselves. Sometimes they need the help of others to do so.

It seems like a good ideal to live by (after all, we’re all prone to making mistakes), but there’s another side to it that I struggle with, and that’s when it’s a recurring issue. Even if you might be better off than someone, is it really fair for them to continue to use you as their emotional punching bag? There has to come a point where you say that even with the circumstances their behaviour is inexcusable. To anybody who has been bullied, it brings little comfort to know that they might have had a solid reason for doing so. Over a long period of time it can cause us a lot of damage to be on the receiving end of a person who doesn’t know how to deal with their feelings accordingly. While it might be better to try and forgive and make allowances for them, it’s easier said than done.

I’m actually a really forgiving person – well I like to think I am anyway – and I will often let things slide in favour of keeping the peace. Quite frequently I give people second chances, and maybe even more after that. I’ve often been told I’m silly for wanting to continue to help people even after they’ve shown little appreciation to me in return – I should be more selfish apparently. I’ve been in a number of emotionally abusive situations and in some cases I didn’t believe that the people involved were bad deep down, they just didn’t know how to deal with their own insecurities. The thing is as I tried to stand by them it was also having a negative impact on my own self-esteem. Some people do change and feel genuine remorse over what they’ve done, but not all. Sometimes I’ve been able to maintain a friendship with the person in question, but other times I’ve had to cut them out of my life.

I think there comes a point where you either have to make a stand or walk away instead of continuing to make excuses for them. Sometimes you have to give up and cut a person out of your life entirely for the sake of your own sanity, and you shouldn’t feel guilty for doing so – there’s only so much you can do for them. The difficulty is deciding on where to draw the line. I don’t think there’s any overarching ruleset on how to deal with different types of people and it can be dangerous to try and give advice in this area; It really depends on the circumstances of each situation such as the people involved, what they’ve done and why.

 I continue to try and help people because I think to show kindness and gratitude can make us feel better within ourselves…

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About wallcat

I have a strong passion for computing. In particular programming for which I am able to use a variety of languages including C++, Visual C#, Blitz Basic, Actionscript 2.0, Python and Lua. I also enjoy web-design and have some knowledge of HTML/CSS, PHP/SQL and Javascript. As well as programming I have a strong background in art and enjoy drawing in my spare time. When I’m not sat at my computer I like to keep fit by going to the gym or using my exercise ball.

3 responses to “Emotional Punching Bag”

  1. artes del viento says :

    It’s a natural way to be, for the kind-type ones. I am one of those ones, but normally the issue when cutting out a person is you are used to something and is hard to let go. I like how you describe our situation.

    • wallcat says :

      I know what you mean. I had to distance myself form somebody but I was finding it really difficult and somehow they kept ending up back in my life. While there were bad times there were other qualities too that I didn’t want to let go of, or I thought I could help them and make it all better – this is why I think it’s sometimes a bad idea to make excuses for them because you get caught up in a situation where you think you have to help them when really it’s not all your responsibility.

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  1. Recovering From Emotional Abuse | My Inner Geek - July 5, 2016

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