Being On The Receiving End Of Over Protective Parenting

I don’t know what it’s like to be a parent, although I can imagine how tough it is. I’m speaking more on behalf of what it’s like to be on the receiving end of over protective parenting. I have good caring parents, but sometimes they can care too much. I worry that with all the scaremongering you see in the news parents are being persuaded to bubble wrap their kids ever more tightly, and that’s even after they grow into adulthood. It also seems to be taking longer for many young people to move out these days and so you find yourself in a situation where you can’t seem to really gain any independence. If I’m being honest, it feels a bit suffocating.

A lot of it comes down to a matter of perspective and I’m sure that if I ever have children I may feel differently. When somebody tries to give you advice about how to do something or be safe in the outside world it’s usually out of love because they don’t want to see you get hurt, but from my perspective all I’m hearing is that I’m incapable and they don’t trust me. While you may not want to see the people you love going through a hard time, sometimes it’s a necessary part of life. I believe we can learn more through experience than just being told the facts. Life is tough and at some point we have to be allowed to face it so that we can develop the confidence to deal with it and learn to stand on our own two feet.

I remember hearing a while back that many parents actually do their children’s homework for them, but I believe that this is only hindering that child’s ability to learn and grow in confidence. What does that child do when they then have to face something by themselves for the first time? Having achievements that we earn by ourselves helps to build confidence and teaches us what we are capable of. There may be times when a child fails at a piece of homework or refuses to do it, but they can learn from the consequences that result from that. In my opinion, learning should be about playful experimentation and that means trying some avenues that might not work out (see ‘Extra Credits: Gamifying Education‘.) I think we put too much pressure on having to get things right the first time through and many of us develop a fear of failure as we grow up.

Being over protected also doesn’t help when it comes to problems like depression/anxiety. I believe the job of a parent is to help prepare your children for the real world, even if that means having to do the difficult thing of stepping back and allowing them to make their own choices. I think many parents may also find it far less stressful when they realize that they can let go of some of those worries and focus on themselves for a bit instead – take a well earned break. If you’re on the receiving end of over protective parenting try not to take it personally because it tends to be done out of caring too much. It’s probably still better to have parents that care too much than ones that don’t care at all. One day I may come to appreciate it.

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About wallcat

I have a strong passion for computing. In particular programming for which I am able to use a variety of languages including C++, Visual C#, Blitz Basic, Actionscript 2.0, Python and Lua. I also enjoy web-design and have some knowledge of HTML/CSS, PHP/SQL and Javascript. As well as programming I have a strong background in art and enjoy drawing in my spare time. When I’m not sat at my computer I like to keep fit by going to the gym or using my exercise ball.

3 responses to “Being On The Receiving End Of Over Protective Parenting”

  1. Looking for Playtime (@L4playtime) says :

    Oh man was I just on a tangent side of this. Without too many details, I’ve become sucked into my fiance’s toxic relationship with her ultra-controlling parents. I was just forced to sign a legal doc that gives my fiance’s mother power over my living situation when we begged them to keep it between the two of us in the relationship.

    We’re both 30.

    The anxiety is crippling.

    • wallcat says :

      I’m sorry to hear that. It’s incredibly difficult if you have problems with your partners family (I’ve been there and done that), but if you love somebody it sucks to let it come between you. I’m of the opinion that you should have the right to manage things within your own relationship without interference from others. Eventually you need to be able to have the freedom to sort out your own family. I personally find it irritating when people feel the need to intervene when I would like to be able to sort stuff out as a couple.

      I think many parents struggle to know how to let go and it’s difficult to talk to them about this stuff without them taking it as personal criticism. Even harder if it sounds like you’re criticising a partners parents. I felt awkward writing this because I love my parents, I’m incredibly loyal and also appreciative for all the good things they’ve done for me, but as I get older I feel like this issue is having a negative impact on my relationship with them, and so I think it’s an important topic to put out there.

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