Accidentally Taking Others For Granted

To not take others for granted is obvious advice, it’s unpleasant to feel like it’s happening to us and something we know we shouldn’t do to others. The chaos of life can make it difficult for us to make time for others however, and this can result in sending out the wrong impression. Often it is those closest to us that we treat the worst as we feel safe that they’ll continue to stick by us. We can feel insecure when it comes to new acquaintances and so will tread more carefully. This can make it appear as if a loved one is happier in the company of others than they are in our own, but rather oddly this can actually mean that they feel more at ease around us. They don’t feel the need to put on a front and pretend; What we get is the real them, for better or for worse.

It’s nice to know that others can trust us enough to reveal their vulnerabilities. To care for each other unconditionally we also have to accept others for all of their flaws and accept them when they’re not at their best. When we share our problems we often do so with the intention of lightening the load, and this can help us to feel secure and connected. It’s good to know that you can be there for them and in turn they’ll be waiting and ready to catch us from a fall. I still think it’s really important to make the effort to have good times as well though. Our relationships are never truly safe and if we don’t continue to make fond memories together it’s possible to gradually drift apart.

There have been moments where I’ve asked myself why I feel the need to seek connections with others. I can feel excited at the thought of hanging out with certain people and love to share passions together. It’s also nice to know we’re not alone and can turn to others in times of need. We all make mistakes, but next to all of the wonderful things these people bring to our lives we can be easily forgiving. We wouldn’t feel inclined to invest so much time on another person if we didn’t care for their well-being or feel good about having them in our lives. Some connections I have later come to question, what am I getting out of this? It’s not that we stand by them with the hope of getting anything in return, but some company can leave me feeling emotionally drained and I find myself wanting to limit how often I see them. If we continue to give a large part of ourselves while feeling under appreciated it can take its toll and if we’re not careful we can become despondent or even resentful. We all deserve to have some nurturing being sent our way and no friendship should be entirely one sided. I’m a fairly loyal person, but this has often led me into situations where I’ve felt like I’ve been taken for granted; When I start to suspect this I’ll withdraw and say ‘no’ more to show that I also have needs. It feels awkward having to do this in a friendship, as the only reason I was so compromising in the first place was because I wanted them to be a part of my life. Taking such action can make it all the more apparent there’s a problem, as we’re left feeling like the unreasonable ones for not being around to suit the other’s needs. It’s like we owe our time to them, rather than being something we can give freely as a show of our affection.

There are lots of lonely people in the world that would do anything for a friend that would stand by them through thick and thin. I also know from experience how hard it is to find friends that are a good match to ourselves. We don’t always mean to take others for granted, but in a world where it’s easy to make new enemies, it’s not worth risking losing the ones that seem to truly have our back. Time is limited and therefore precious, so it’s wonderful to have others wanting to spend it with us. That’s something that I really appreciate. šŸ™‚

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About wallcat

I have a strong passion for computing. In particular programming for which I am able to use a variety of languages including C++, Visual C#, Blitz Basic, Actionscript 2.0, Python and Lua. I also enjoy web-design and have some knowledge of HTML/CSS, PHP/SQL and Javascript. As well as programming I have a strong background in art and enjoy drawing in my spare time. When Iā€™m not sat at my computer I like to keep fit by going to the gym or using my exercise ball.

4 responses to “Accidentally Taking Others For Granted”

  1. Lori L MacLaughlin says :

    “The chaos of life can make it difficult for us to make time for others however, and this can result in sending out the wrong impression.” ā€” I’ve found myself in this situation quite a bit over the last year or two since I started taking my writing seriously and began working toward publication. I tend to be a hermit anyway, and I’m fine spending days or weeks closeted with my WIP. Then I feel guilty because I feel like I’ve been neglecting my friends. I wonder if they realize I’m not ignoring them but just working really hard to get my books out there while have the chance? I should talk to them about it, but they’re busy and I’m busy and I don’t get to it.

    Their friendship is important to me and I don’t want to lose it. We connect on Facebook so it’s not like I’ve dropped entirely out of their lives. We just don’t get together and go out and do things like we used to. I need to stop the general craziness and make the time. It’s just that that’s a lot easier said than done.

    • wallcat says :

      When I started university my sister and I weren’t getting on so well. There was just so much to do I couldn’t find the time to spend with her, but she felt like I was placing work ahead of her. I was also very ambitious and could come across as being a bit of a workaholic. I’d turn down hanging out with friends in favour of getting through an assignment. Sometimes they would wind me up by commenting on it. I felt like they should respect my dreams and even be a little more supportive than they were, but in turn I guess they felt like I wasn’t putting enough effort into our friendship. I’ve been on the other side of feeling like I’m going out of my way to show interest in another person just to never have them reciprocate, and I do wonder if they want to be friends with me at all. It’s a difficult balance to get right. I think that good friends will be understanding if they’re aware of how hectic life can get at times, and the best friendships can survive a long time without connecting. Whenever we do all decide to hang out though, I consider it to be really important to try and switch off and to fully enjoy that time with them. Sometimes all people need is a little reassurance to know that they’re still important to you. So long as we’re forgiving it never has to be too late either. My sister and I have since settled our differences and now we get on really well. It’s also challenging for me being a bit of an introvert. I care about people but being constantly connected is tiring. I can be a bit of a hermit too.

      • Lori L MacLaughlin says :

        That’s it exactly. And yes, being constantly connected is tiring, and I’m one of those people who just needs a lot of space and solitude. Sometimes people just don’t get that.
        I’m still working on finding that balance. I appreciate your well spoken thoughts.

      • wallcat says :

        I know exactly what you mean. The increase in social media and being constantly connected has actually been really difficult for me to adjust to. I love talking to people and sharing stuff, but my mind can become too chaotic if I’m not allowed to switch off at any point. I wish it wasn’t the case; It’s a horrible feeling when the fatigue suddenly hits, but you still have to try and be alert and attentive. I’ve had a lot of misunderstandings with others due to this, but all I can really do is try to explain how if feels for me and re-assure them that it’s not their fault if I need to break away for a little while. If I try to push through this feeling it can start to take its toll on my mood and wellbeing. Friends and family are still really important to me despite my need for solitude.

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