Accidentally Taking Others For Granted
To not take others for granted is obvious advice, it’s unpleasant to feel like it’s happening to us and something we know we shouldn’t do to others. The chaos of life can make it difficult for us to make time for others however, and this can result in sending out the wrong impression. Often it is those closest to us that we treat the worst as we feel safe that they’ll continue to stick by us. We can feel insecure when it comes to new acquaintances and so will tread more carefully. This can make it appear as if a loved one is happier in the company of others than they are in our own, but rather oddly this can actually mean that they feel more at ease around us. They don’t feel the need to put on a front and pretend; What we get is the real them, for better or for worse.
It’s nice to know that others can trust us enough to reveal their vulnerabilities. To care for each other unconditionally we also have to accept others for all of their flaws and accept them when they’re not at their best. When we share our problems we often do so with the intention of lightening the load, and this can help us to feel secure and connected. It’s good to know that you can be there for them and in turn they’ll be waiting and ready to catch us from a fall. I still think it’s really important to make the effort to have good times as well though. Our relationships are never truly safe and if we don’t continue to make fond memories together it’s possible to gradually drift apart.
There have been moments where I’ve asked myself why I feel the need to seek connections with others. I can feel excited at the thought of hanging out with certain people and love to share passions together. It’s also nice to know we’re not alone and can turn to others in times of need. We all make mistakes, but next to all of the wonderful things these people bring to our lives we can be easily forgiving. We wouldn’t feel inclined to invest so much time on another person if we didn’t care for their well-being or feel good about having them in our lives. Some connections I have later come to question, what am I getting out of this? It’s not that we stand by them with the hope of getting anything in return, but some company can leave me feeling emotionally drained and I find myself wanting to limit how often I see them. If we continue to give a large part of ourselves while feeling under appreciated it can take its toll and if we’re not careful we can become despondent or even resentful. We all deserve to have some nurturing being sent our way and no friendship should be entirely one sided. I’m a fairly loyal person, but this has often led me into situations where I’ve felt like I’ve been taken for granted; When I start to suspect this I’ll withdraw and say ‘no’ more to show that I also have needs. It feels awkward having to do this in a friendship, as the only reason I was so compromising in the first place was because I wanted them to be a part of my life. Taking such action can make it all the more apparent there’s a problem, as we’re left feeling like the unreasonable ones for not being around to suit the other’s needs. It’s like we owe our time to them, rather than being something we can give freely as a show of our affection.
There are lots of lonely people in the world that would do anything for a friend that would stand by them through thick and thin. I also know from experience how hard it is to find friends that are a good match to ourselves. We don’t always mean to take others for granted, but in a world where it’s easy to make new enemies, it’s not worth risking losing the ones that seem to truly have our back. Time is limited and therefore precious, so it’s wonderful to have others wanting to spend it with us. That’s something that I really appreciate. 🙂