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Taking a Break From Blogging

For most of my life I’ve struggled with low self-esteem and I started blogging as a means of helping me to put myself out there and to develop confidence in sharing my thoughts and ideas. I also find it difficult to express myself, but this leaves me with a lot of baggage in my brain. Having a place where I could write all of this stuff has been really helpful. It’s not always been easy, but I’ve connected with a lot of kind people through blogging. I’ve even made some close friends through it.

Lately however, life has gotten pretty chaotic. Our oldest family members have fallen ill or passed away. While this has left a deep sadness in our hearts, we are still able to celebrate them by how their legacy continues to live on through us. It feels fitting that as one moment passes another begins with my partner and I preparing our new home together. I hope that we can fill it with the same warmth passed on to us through our parents and grandparents.

With so much going on I haven’t been feeling as motivated to keep writing and I’m ready for a break. I need some time to heal and figure out who I am. When I started this blog I was also unsure that I’d be able to keep something going for so long. There’s that concern that you’ll eventually run out of things to write about. Now that I’ve had some practice I look forward to starting a new and specialized blog some time in the future.

Celebrate The Small Things: 9 September

Our moving in date has finally been confirmed and it’s really soon. When this first crept up on us I was feeling overwhelmed by the idea, but now I’m just really excited about it. I bought my first items for the house: a hoover, kettle, toaster and iron. I didn’t think buying these types of things could ever be fun, but it’s that idea of being able to take more control over your life and having a space to do what you want with. Been to Ikea today. They do nice hot dogs.

I’d also like to mention how generous people have been in helping us to get started. We’ve had furniture and financial support offered to us as we’ve gone through this process. I’m really grateful as it takes a lot of the pressure off. It’s also lovely to know and acknowledge that no matter how alone we feel, there are people there that do have our best interests in mind. I just hope that I can repay the favour some day to show how thankful I am.

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Celebrate the Small Things is a weekly celebration created by VikLit and now hosted by Lexa Cain to celebrate the happenings of the week, however small or large. You can learn all about it and sign up for it here.

Celebrate The Small Things: 2 September

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It’s not been an easy week. Well it’s not been an easy year at all, with so many changes coming at once. I think we all experience years like this from time to time. My granddad passed away a week ago and we’re currently feeling the hurt that accompanies such a loss. He had Alzheimer’s and I know he wasn’t happy so we’re at least able to find comfort in knowing that he’s at peace. We also had some major milestone birthdays to celebrate which managed to put a smile back on people’s faces – I know my granddad would prefer that. We had a lovely day out. The weather was warm, a good excuse for ice cream. I’ve seen lots of wild flowers around, inspiring me for my own garden – I really can’t wait to have my own garden.

I made the difficult choice to let go of a friendship this week. This person has hurt me a lot, but despite this I still cared for them. Its lifted a weight because I was carrying this guilt around due to the resentment I felt for a person that I was still trying to connect with. I’ve now finally acknowledged my feelings and my right to hurt over how they treated me, and with that I no longer have to feel any guilt or shame. It’s not my fault that they treated me the way they did. This is probably a kindness to both of us, allowing us both to move on from what happened. Our moving out day is coming closer and I’m thinking of this as a fresh new start in my life, which also means dealing with the parts that haven’t been working for me. People have told me that they’re proud of me for making this decision and dealing with it as sensitively as I have done. I don’t want this person to carry any guilt around that will prevent them from moving on, I just wanted them to know how serious things were so that they treat the next person better and hopefully experience a relationship the way its meant to be. In my attempts to find silver linings I guess I could say that this experience has taught me how to spot problem areas in a friendship and that while it might be scary it’s important to acknowledge your own feelings and to set boundaries. This experience has also inspired me for a story I’m currently working on. These sorts of problems affect a lot of people despite being fairly misunderstood, so I think it’s important for them to know that there are others out there that are going through the same thing.

So this week I’m celebrating the prospect of a brighter future and making the first few steps to get there.

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Celebrate the Small Things is a weekly celebration created by VikLit and now hosted by Lexa Cain to celebrate the happenings of the week, however small or large. You can learn all about it and sign up for it here.

 

Celebrate The Small Things: 12 August

I did my first bit of decorating ever. I wanted to help my sister with sorting out her new house and painted a few walls. I was thoroughly impressed with myself considering that it was my first time and around some awkward corners and angles. Her partner also has a rule that anybody who helps out will not go hungry, so I was fed and offered lots of chocolate treats in turn – well worth it. I’m wanting to learn a lot of this stuff anyway so that I’m ready for when we move into our own house. We keep having conversations about how amazing it’ll be to finally get our lives started, although it’s also slightly overwhelming.

No Man’s Sky was out this week, which was something to look forward to checking out. Yay, new shiny game feel. I’ve got the night in so I’m going to get some snacks while I spend my time exploring the universe. I’ve also become obsessed with the film Metropolis as we finally got a copy in. My sister and I had been wanting to watch this old sci-fi film for a long time. I wasn’t sure at first as I’d never seen a silent movie before, but was amazed at how engaging it was considering the age of the film. This film has inspired lots of things, like the Queen video Radio Ga Ga. I get excited when I discover enjoyment in new things. They inspire me.

It’s time for Comic Con again so it’ll be a fun weekend.

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Celebrate the Small Things is a weekly celebration created by VikLit and now hosted by Lexa Cain to celebrate the happenings of the week, however small or large. You can learn all about it and sign up for it here.

 

 

Celebrate The Small Things: 5 August

It was my birthday this week. We went to the zoo where they now have Giant Otters. Followed this up with a meal at my favourite restaurant. We attended a show called Kynren a few days prior, covering the history of England from when the Romans and Vikings came right up to World War II. It was spectacular, performed by thousands of volunteers and utilising lights and music to great effect. Luckily the weather was also warm that night. Tonight we plan to have one final treat for this week and will be getting a takeaway pizza, while watching films and playing games.

I’ve been following more drawing tutorials this week. It seems to be getting easier to keep at it every day. I guess this is now becoming more of a habit. I’ve also began making plans for a visual novel I’d like to create, and I’m hoping that my skills at drawing characters will be much better by the time I’ve gotten the story figured out.

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Celebrate the Small Things is a weekly celebration created by VikLit and now hosted by Lexa Cain to celebrate the happenings of the week, however small or large. You can learn all about it and sign up for it here.

Celebrate The Small Things: 8 July

Our offer got accepted on a house. It’s a really nice house too. In good condition and a great location. It also has a large garden; I’m excited about finally have some outdoor space that I can do what I want with. I’m relieved that we’re settled on a place now so that I can start to adjust to the idea of where I’m going to end up. I didn’t much enjoy house hunting.

I’m still drawing a lot at the moment to help me to relax. Looking at old sketchbooks has also spurred me on. Even though I stopped practising during university I was surprised to see that I had still improved over that time. It’s a skill I keep coming back to because there is always the need to create or modify assets on the side of other projects. I aimed to draw every day this week and have managed to keep at it. I’ve also corrected the grip on my pencil and have noticed an immediate improvement in my drawings. This in turn leaves me feeling encouraged that I can still get a lot better yet.

I’ve gotten back into Tibia. It’s been my goal to reach level 100 in that game for a long time, and the expiry date on an experience voucher has caused me to return. I’ve moved from level 91 to 95 this week. My timing is also good as they’re boosting experience over the weekend. This always seems to happen when I return.

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Celebrate the Small Things is a weekly celebration created by VikLit and now hosted by Lexa Cain to celebrate the happenings of the week, however small or large. You can learn all about it and sign up for it here.

Recovering From Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse is a difficult subject for me to write about, but there are a few things that I feel like are important to put down. I have difficulties with anxiety, but I feel like this is linked closely to how I’ve been treated while growing up. When I’ve researched this topic I have found that the consequences to the vicitm also describe many of my own struggles. The nature of emotional abuse can leave you feeling doubtful about what you’ve been through because it’s very subtle. With other forms of abuse there may be signs to indicate that a line has clearly been crossed, but with emotional abuse it can wear us down for years before we realize what’s going on. Your feelings can be twisted against you to make it seem like you’re the one to blame. It’s also isolating for the victim as it’s possible that nobody else experiences this behaviour. We don’t always doubt what we see, but things can be more complex than they appear on the surface; On many occasions others have looked at me like I was the one at fault, when really the other person was putting on an act. It can make you feel like you’re going crazy.

Read More…

Celebrate The Small Things: 1 July

The lack of space and clutter has been getting on my nerves, but I’d been putting off sorting it out. With the possibility of getting a new house on the horizon it finally gave me a push to have a clear out. I’m one of those people that develops emotional attachments to things and I find it difficult to get rid, or I worry that I might need it later. I found it much easier to be strict on myself this time however, as I realised that I wouldn’t want this stuff in my new house. It’s been a week long job, but it’s a load of stress off my mind and it feels like taking a weight off. By throwing out the old I’m now free to start exploring new things. Took a bit of a trip down memory lane too. Tonnes of old sketch books and game ideas, I didn’t realize I’d worked on so many things.

We’ve arranged a few house viewings and I’m already getting excited about the future.

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Celebrate the Small Things is a weekly celebration created by VikLit and now hosted by Lexa Cain to celebrate the happenings of the week, however small or large. You can learn all about it and sign up for it here.

Celebrate The Small Things: 24 June

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So we might actually start looking for a house to buy of our own soon. It’s all happening so quickly and unexpectedly that its thrown me. There’s been a lot of change this year and I’m not great at dealing with it, but some of it is good. Getting a bit more space will offer me many more things to look forward to.

I’ve been struggling with my moods lately so my sister recommended focussing on doing things that I enjoy, with no guilt attached. I find this challenging, but I do need to learn how to get better at it. I’ve been doing some more drawing and just over the past week I feel like my Photoshop skills have improved a little. I stayed up writing stories too. It doesn’t always come naturally, but last night just seemed to flow more easily than usual. The weather has also improved. There have been lots of fluffy bees inspecting the flowers in our garden, which makes me smile. I’d planted some seeds earlier in the year in the hopes of making the garden a more attractive place for little critters.

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Celebrate the Small Things is a weekly celebration created by VikLit and now hosted by Lexa Cain to celebrate the happenings of the week, however small or large. You can learn all about it and sign up for it here.

Celebrate The Small Things: 10 June

It was that time of year again, the anniversary of when I got engaged, and as such we made a return to where it happened, Conwy in Wales. Its been a tough year and so a break away was welcome. The weather suddenly picked up for last week and I even got a slight tan. The people in Conwy are lovely and easy to talk to. I love it there like a home away from home.

My creativity seems to soar after having a break. It’s like I get worn down, but after a little recuperation I can’t wait to start working on something again. With the warm weather I like to sit by an open door with my sketch book. I’m still practising maps at the moment. Will be heading out to catch up with friends tomorrow.

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Celebrate the Small Things is a weekly celebration created by VikLit and now hosted by Lexa Cain to celebrate the happenings of the week, however small or large. You can learn all about it and sign up for it here.